landiin ka man ng kung sinu-sino, kung alam mong iba ang mahal mo, hindi ka tatablan. Parang speech ng promo girl sa grocery. Alam mong hindi ka bibili ng produkto nya pero pinakikinggan mo ang sinasabi nya.. kawawa naman kase.

your smile on my screen

you’re so far baby

still, for you my heart beats.

i stay up all night

excited to be by your side

just say the magic words

i’ll be more than alright.

8:48pm

you know how i am

you know what I feel

alone, full of shame

hating it’s real.

living life as it is

moving as i please

wanting you to speak,

leave my forehead in a crease.

9:28pm

carpe diem

strike while it’s hot

never back down

give it all you’ve got

play the game

after all, it’s just a game

and anyway, it’s not rape

just don’t get yourself in a raid.

[comment sa sarili: ANU DAW? XD]

9:38pm

a genius, i was

a genius, i have been

what blocks my way

is that i can never come clean

wash me as you may

forget the things i’ve done

love me as i am

there’s still doubt if i should be the one.

9:45pm

i remember hot nights of May..

do you know how it’ll be?

of all the people who deserves you

should it really be me?

even if it cures this disease

tell me, will we be at ease?

will it stand the test of time,

endure all pain and tease?

[tapos lumipat ata kami sa ibang venue noon.. hmm.. (n_n)]

{ HONEY }

i am envious

of children laughing

hiding, seeking

chit-chat-chattering

they don’t know

they still don’t know

what makes me go slow

what this face won’t show

what hurt i feel

what i try to conceal

when i’m on my heels

let them cry over sore toes and skinned knees

how i wish i could cry

like a baby would try

to tell mom it aint right

when she’s not by his side

oh, dear if i could

and listen to me, he would

show him what’s left of me

and tell everything i should

and say ‘i dunno if there’s still any..’

coz i think it was everything she took

never thought it’d be a mistake

i gave you trust, you let it break

i’ve taken more than i can take

my God, my head, i gotta shake

though i’m willing, still i can’t

things.. they’re just too hard to accept

i was thinking and thinking,

how long was this secret kept?

i can’t forgive, i can’t forget

how bad is this gonna get?

honey, you had enough, i bet

the last thing i wanna say is

you have been my death.

[holy crap, that was.. haha nevermind. \(n_n)/ ]

The hardest part in staying away from the one you love is the sad truth that he will never be running after you..
depressed? i am. so much. thoughts in my mind are actually all scrambled up; i dunno how to start every morning living like this for months now. i’m like a living doll.. moving as if with no direction, stuck, always stuck.. doing things by need, not my heart anymore.. lifeless.. it’s killing me.. and what’s even sadder is that i can’t figure out who’ll be helping me fix myself.. if there’s anyone who’d like to do so, i don’t know.. i’ve been somewhat numb of all this, caring so much about others’ lives when in fact mine isn’t that straight.. uggghhh.. i want change. i can’t cry anymore. pointless. another commotion’s starting outside.. i hate this effing life.

Francis Magalona

Visit his site, read his blogs today.

http://francismagalona.multiply.com/

http://happybattle.net

You

January 31, 2009
free verse, revised

Tell me now, tell me true
Why is everything I see about you?
Every chance I’ve thought I found another,
Yours are his eyes, his lips, his hair..
Oh, the world really is full of wonders!

The word struck like lightning in my ears
You found her while I found him.
“This can’t be..” I said,
Stained my cheeks were with tears.

People lie, things change..
True, but did I really have to end the ‘game’?
I did believe in forever, dear,
We were in love.. well, we used to be.
What are these things for? Tell me please?
Should I blur every memory now,
Just to make my mind at peace?

Promises, I hate them
Especially the ones you made.
“Someday soon, I’ll marry you.”
But there you are, caught in the act
Saying those words to her over again.

I miss your eyes,
I miss your lips,
I miss playing with your hair.
I miss the way you say “I love you”,
And the loving way you’d stare.

Everything has turned into ashes now,
No way for them to be undone.
This feeling, I despise it -
I wish it would forever be gone.

Foolish boy of sin,
To your words, you never do stick.
“In my heart, you’ll always be.”
Said these while she’s gone, your current victim.

You still love me, don’t you?
Then please, let me be.
I know what I want now..
It’s from you, to be forever free.

COMMENT: I did this for my English class. Super surprised ako kase ayoko tlga ng poetry ever since.. akalain mong may nakasulat nang 100 at Very Good sa paper ko pagbalik saken? Oh my God, I’m a POET! nyahaha. Emong Poet. XD

March 4, 2009

I am in love
With someone I do not know,
Whose smile, I haven’t seen,
Whose eyes, I haven’t stared at,
Whose name, I haven’t spoken..
Whose touch, I haven’t felt;
I’m in love with someone I haven’t met..
But I am not afraid..
For I know that in that perfect time,
That destined place..
I will be led to that one person
Who will take me as I am..
Whose face,
My dreams will only be filled of..
Because true love waits.

COMMENT: ay, ewan ko din ba kung bakit ganito. haha. bleahh. >:P

Pivots

12:08am 2.28.09
free verse

Say this isn’t happening.
Tonight, was it me his eyes laid at?
Were they chasing me?
Why then, did he not even speak?

His stare always had me running
In and out of a puzzle I can’t complete
The missing piece, I wonder,
Could it be..?

Was I doing the right thing,
Letting myself be near yet far?
Is this the right move,
To pretend to be as mysterious as you are?

How I wish, my prince,
That I could have forever
To be gazed upon again
By that meaningful yet blank stare of yours
And have it ended never.

COMMENTS: ..dedications ka nyo? weh wag nang umepal. halata naman eh. ..omaygad martha, im a poet. wuhaha! not much of a good one though. bleah.

SAGING

2:38am 3.8.09

i cant cook
i cant play ball
i cant run fast
i cant dance
i cant sing
i cant do a lot of things
i am vain
i am spoiled
i am messy
i am hardheaded
i am nosy
i am boyish
i am wild
i am talkative
i am boring
i am unfashionable
i am not smart
i am unpretty
i am fat
i am compulsive
i am jealous
i am bad
i am the world’s most bitter pill
well, yea. i think so. or maybe not.
and one more thing, will you still love me?

COMMENT: saging i love you.

extra Rice.

I.

I took up the theme again that music and acting were good because they drove back chaos. Chaos is the meaninglessness of day-to-day life, and if we were to die now, our lives would have been nothing but meaninglessness.

II.

We should run away and let our fathers curse us. After all, staying here means nothing. -Lestat and Nicki

III.

I put my hands over my ears and shut my eyes. “Go away!” I said at the thought of those who’d died like that without ever, ever understanding anything. The second day it was no better. And it wasn’t any better by the end of the week either. I ate, I drank, slept, but every waking moment was pure panic and pure pain.

IV.

The world looked different forever after, and even in moments of exquisite happiness there was darkness lurking, the sense of our frailty and our hopelessness.

V.

I’d felt love for him when i saw him. But, do devilslove each other? Do they walk arm in arm in hell saying, “Ah, you are my friend, how I love you,” things like that to each other? I do not believe in hell. But it’s a concept of evil, isn’t it? All creatures in hell are supposed to hate each other, as all the saved hate the damned, without reservation. The thought terrified me as a child. But what if we were in hell together? Well, now I know, whether I believe in hell or not, that we can love each other, that in being dedicated to evil, one does not cease to love, even in this fiery pit we’re stuck in, forever.

Tulips

1:16am

Tonight,
I passed by the street
where we used to stop,
where you put it down,
turn the engine low,
cuddle tight.
Where suddenly,
time goes slow.
We talk as if
no end’s in line
you tug me close -
closer everytime.
You kiss my lips
from time to time.

The life and letters of..

I.

This? It’s different with me than with other girls. I like to pretend that you belong to me, just to play with the idea, but of course I know you don’t. I’m alone, really - with my back to the wall fighting the world - and I get sort of gaspy when I think about it. I put it out of my mind, and keep on pretending; But don’t you see? I can’t accept anymore than I have to.

II.

My life? Absolutely monotonous and uneventful. Nothing nice ever happens, except ice cream days.. and even that’s regular. In all the 19 years I’m here.. What else should surprise me? Everybody likes surprises; it’s a perfectly natural human craving.

“Personal affection is a luxury you can have only after all your enemies are eliminated. Until then, everyone you love is a hostage, sapping your courage and corrupting your judgment.”

-Orson Scott

COMMENT: oha, nakukuha kong intindihin ang nangyayari saken pero diko ina-apply yung tamang gawin para ma-manage ko ang sarili ko nang tama. nyahaha.

December 16, 2008 12:44am

I forgive. I always do. But i NEVER forget po.
And CRAP, almost everything around me reminds me of you.

YOSI.

BIKES.

MY SKETCHES.

PICTURES - as in. yung tipong may pics pa kong nadi2scover in someone else’s laptop. hay nakuh.

MY PHONE, YOUR MESSAGES.

MY BLOG POSTS, those of which I typed while I was with you. tss.

FOOD - lugaw. :’( sisig. bicol express. bopis. etcetera, etcetera.

YOUTUBE.

JABBAWOCKEEZ.

DANCE. DANCE. DANCE.

SING. SING. SING. - and that night you told me that you dreamt of me singing Avril’s Hot. hay..

RUPERT’S. MARCUS’S. NOEL’S PLACE.

MORNINGS. The times we woke up in each other’s arms and the freakin cold rides we had on your bike when you drive me home.

ALCOHOL.

MY CLOTHES.. and how you put comments on what i wear and what I’m only allowed to wear..

EVEN MY GODDAMN BED REMINDS ME OF YOU.

THE COUCH IN MY LIVING ROOM TOO, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE.

OUR DINING TABLE..and that one time you joined my family eat lunch.
These still hurt so much. SO MUCH. This is too much.
And I still do miss you. Us.
This.. breaks me, and continues to break me everytime..

BUT. I’m the one now who needs to back off and give you the space you need.
I really should be letting you go now. If I could, I would.
Alam mo naman kung ga’no ako kabilis magsawa at magbago ng isip diba? hehe. :’P

I should be doing this now.. and I mean NOW! haha.
Magkaron kna sana ng kapalit. sana. ngayon na. :’P

Ayoko mamatay sa sama ng loob. hehe. God bless you. Ikaw lang.

when I write, it’s serious talk, bitch.

I know it’s a little too late for self realization.. but this is nice.
Let all the feeling fade away, start fresh - and mean it! haha.
BULLSHIT? Set those aside.
WALANG SAYANG. Tandaan mo yan.
Parang saging, kung hindi pa ubos, ba’t mo itatapon yung peel dba?
Unless may part shang bulok kaya ayaw mo nang ubusin. wenks! Pero this makes sense, right? Sabi nga ni Jedi,
“Remember what happened to you. Learn from it.”
(yea, like highschool nya pa sinabe to, dpa rin ako natututo! nyahaha :P)
I’ve changed a lot, I’m totally different from what I am before, yea..
but I’ll always stick to being like this, being ‘the thinker’. I forgive, yes, but i never forget.
Cuz hell yea, there are like a gazillion unforgivable things in this world.
And DUH. I’m not God.
This should be enough. Good morning.

COMMENT: scribbled this one morning @ Noel’s. ansakit sa mata eh. woot!

isma: yeah, the one who smells like gasoline?

ritz: why man?

isma: because he’s the one who’s making paligo the diesel gasoline, man.

levin: watever dawg.

—————————————————————

ritz: we’re all the fuckin people who doesnt understand BB dawg

tristan: what dawg?

ritz: i mean Visaual Basic dawg. but i want to make babies dawg.

(okay, so we’re the department of redundancy here. LOL)

aryt, mga bata, alam nyo na kung bkit msamang uminom. haha.

put some chaser dawg.

oh joy, oh happiness….malapit na yun….im sure….i hope….i hope im sure….i hope…. im sure i hope….

-don immanuel.

bakit ba yung words mo.. tama?

i just miss how it feels to devote myself to something i like…and not just for a brief moment…

tossed the term much…missed how it felt…missed how things went…

missed…missed the point.

miss…mistake?

ouch.

it hurts.

well…for the longest time already,

you have lost focus, don…you havent been able to regain productivity

and for the longest time…you have been doing so much, oh so much self-pity…

and for what?

-don immanuels’s post on his multiply blog.

comment:

hay don. *huuug*

smile, okay? iloveyou.